A Tale As Old As Time With A Twist
by Era Dubois
Summary: The Forces of Darkness get involved. Buffy really should know better than to tempt the fates that way. Set at Wild at Heart but soon goes cattywampus and off-canon. There is Vamp-Buffy in this fic so you've been warned. Eventual Spuffy.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 1

"Hello, lovely sunshine." A voice that brought back a _lot_ of bad memories lilted on the still night air. Buffy pulled the stake she still held up to her shoulder and prepared to use it.

"What are you doing here Drusilla?" The mad vampiress swayed in the night causing Buffy to roll her eyes.

"I'm here to see you on your way." Then everything went dark.

"Uh." Buffy woke with a nasty headache and even nastier hunger. Then she blinked. Nuthin'. Still dark. So she started to panic. Thrashing out. Digging and digging and then once the instinct was over she felt sick. _I'm a vampire?_

Dru was there with her legs swinging as she sat on a nearby tombstone. She was smiling like a child who was expecting a treat. "Miss Edith told me how to make you all shiny new again. Didn't need Daddy atoll this time round."

Buffy staggered a moment and when she had her hands around Drusilla's neck her sire just...disappeared. Buffy looked around wondering what had happened when something caught her attention. She was still breathing and something smelled...off. Before she could question it Buffy started running toward the source which took her out of St. Mary's and straight to UC Sunnydale.

When she got there she was a bit wigged to find that she could smell a human had been there recently and a small part of her registered that she should be hunting humans right now but she wasn't. Because Oz was out and very wolfy and...there was another one. They were tearing into each other so Buffy threw herself into the fray. She knocked the other werewolf out and satisfied that it was incapacitated grabbed Oz by the scruff of the neck and dragged him snarling behind her back to his cage.

Once she had him locked back inside thanks to some very nifty bar bending, _compounded Slayer/Vamp strength was_ pretty _cool_ , she hightailed it back to the university to check up on the other wolf. Who wasn't there. Damn. She huffed and when she breathed back in she could smell that there had been a _lot_ more humans around since last time. That was when her stomach decided to make itself known again. She sighed and decided that the butcher would have to take precedence over sniffing out the other werewolf.

 _Ew. I_ so _do not want to have to drink blood._ But once she got to the butcher's with zero murdery thoughts she started to wonder if she was even a vampire. She was pretty excited that she still had her money on her but decided that was probably because Drusilla wasn't in her right mind enough to pick pockets.

"One quart of blood please." She placed her money and thought that this must be what it felt like when someone tried buying beer with a fake I.D. _Beer. Never_ _doing_ that _again_.

After getting her order of pig's blood, however, with the smell and the gurglies and the general, _blech_ , yumminess that her body said it would be Buffy just took the bullet and drank it down in the alley. Both relieved and disgusted that the blood had done the trick Buffy made her way toward Giles's. Knowing that he would be the only one she could even try to discuss this with.

She took in a deep unnecessary breath and knocked. The door swung open slowly and before she could warn him against it, just to be safe, she heard Giles's muffled voice.

"Buffy, If that's you, please come in."

The next morning, deep in the sterile white bowels of the Initiative running underneath UC Sunnydale, the cage that was holding Hostile 18 was emptied and sterilized with detached efficiency. Maggie Walsh was disappointed that her findings proved werewolf components would be insufficient for improving upon Project 314. There was most likely a wounded werewolf wandering around but it was clear that a bag and tag would do Walsh no good so she let it go as she logged off from her government issued desktop and made her way to her day job. Comfortably unaware of the workings already in place to remove her funding and shut her pet project down.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 2

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

 _I'm a vampire?_

 _One quart of blood please._

 _Buffy, If that's you, please come in._

Buffy stepped into the apartment and only then realized she couldn't sense his heartbeat. As she looked around for him she tripped over a very large book which _oomphed_. She tilted her head to the side and jumped back when Giles's face appeared on the cover. She bent down and grabbed him.

"Oh dear lord. Please, don't shake me around like that."

"Giles, my god, what's happened to you?"

"I might ask you the same thing." Buffy reached up and touched her face pulling her hand back quickly when she felt vamp ridges that she wasn't sure how long had been there. If it had been all along then Sunnydale had one pretty chill butcher.

Buffy sat down with her Watcher in her lap, that thought brought on big ew's, and tried to think through her time since seeing him last. "I think Drusilla turned me. But I don't have any killer instinct. I did just drink blood. But not from a person. From a pig. From the butcher's. And I guess I have a game face. I found Oz roaming around campus so I took him back to his cage and incapacitated the other wolf but when I went back to take care of it, it was gone and there were all of these other people smells that hadn't been there before." Buffy wrinkled up her nose but it looked a bit different with her brow all vampy.

Book-Giles blinked. "Other Wolf?"

"Yeah, it smelled familiar but I don't know how I know that. And I think that we should try talking about the fact that you're a _book_ , Giles."

"Yes quite," He cleared his clearly nonexistent throat and went, thankfully, into full Watcher mode. "I was getting ready to go out for the evening when, well, this happened. I'd say it's been quite some time. At least three days."

"Three days. That would be how long I've been missing? And no one has come looking for you or me? I mean I _live_ with Willow and she didn't even try to come and check in? Some friends I have." Giles coughed to bring her back from her tangent. "Right, sorry, you're all booky." She took a deep breath and could actually _smell_ the magic surrounding Giles. "What kind of spell could turn you into a book?"

"Spell?" His face on the book shifted as though he had tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah. You smell all," Buffy turned him slightly to the left and then the right, "Hocus-Pocusy."

"I smell…? Never mind." Giles inhaled, "When you were moving me I felt something inside."

"Aw, Giles I feel warmth and affection for you too." Buffy smiled and that looked even stranger as she had yet to shift into her human guise.

"No, I meant something like a loose leaf of paper. Though I do feel something akin to paternal affection toward you." Giles watched as she reached and pulled back several times from his front cover.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Buffy you will have to open me up and look me over."

Buffy grasped his bottom right corner and started to lift. She stopped and looked him dead in the eyes. "If this hurts you, just let me know."

"Count on it." When Giles was opened to the first page a small sheaf of paper resembling something like a contract slipped out and onto her lap. She quickly shut Giles and apologized when he complained of possible head trauma. Picking up the contract she began to read aloud.

"This Contract for Services is made effective as of the ninth of November in the year nineteen-hundred and ninety-nine, by and between The Slayer Buffy Summers of Sunnydale California (The "Client") AND Agent 214 of the Council of Human Affairs and Otherworldly Services (The "Contractor"). Background: A. The Client is of the Opinion that the Contractor has the necessary qualifications, experience, and abilities to provide services to the Client. B. The Contractor is agreeable to providing such services to the Client on the terms and conditions set out in this Agreement. In Consideration of the matters described above and of the mutual benefits and obligations set forth in this Agreement, the receipt and sufficiency of which consideration is hereby acknowledged, the Client and the Contractor agree as follows. Services Provided: The Client hereby agrees to engage the Contractor to provide the Client with services consisting of 1. Making a little effort here and 2. Giving something to work with. The Contractor hereby agrees to provide such services to the client. Termination of the Agreement will require the Client to Learn to Love Another and earn Their Love in return. Failure to Terminate the agreement will result in the permanent application of physical ramifications from Services Provided. In Witness Whereof the Parties have duly affixed their signatures under hand and seal on this 9th day of November 1999."

Buffy swallowed and turned the last page for Giles to see. "Giles. That's my signature."

"Dear Lord." It was weird not having hands to polish glasses with, "Buffy it appears you have made a deal with an agent of CHAOS."

"A what now?" Her voice came out a bit squeakier than she wanted.

"They are one of the Forces of Darkness. Is it possible you had invoked them in some way?" Buffy closed her eyes and then groaned. It was just before Drusilla had shown up. She had just used some excellent quippage on a very unrecepty vamp and…" _That's it? That's all I get? One lame-ass vamp with no appreciation for my pain_ stak _ingly thought-out puns. I don't think the forces of darkness are even trying. I mean, you could make a little effort here, you know? Give me something to work with."_

"That was so totally not me signing a contract!" Buffy jumped up consequently spilling Giles onto the floor. She put her hands to her head as she growled and was pleased to find human-Buffy smoothness. Giles coughed to get her attention. "Oh, sorry Giles," she picked him up and set him on the coffee table, "but me saying something is _not_ me signing something."

"When it comes to CHAOS a verbal contract is equitable to a written one."

Buffy pouted. "So, me saying something _is_ me signing something?"

Her Watcher sighed. "I'm afraid so Buffy."

"What's with all this love-stuff and why did you get caught up in this?"

"I suppose to give you something to work with." Buffy cringed at the finger-pointy tone. Giles sighed in resignation. "I am sorry Buffy I'm simply...adjusting, but, according to this it would appear your vampirism is temporary. As well as my...biblio-ism. We will simply have to conduct some research."

"That means I have to do the research doesn't it?"

"Well, actually, if you are quite certain you have yet to pose a danger to anyone I would suggest we take the sewers to your dormitory and see if we can find Willow."

Buffy's nose scrunched up. "But. My shoes."

Giles exhaled and his forehead got all frustrated, "Buffy you have been buried for the last three days."

Buffy pulled a throw over her head, put Giles in a knapsack and opened the door. "Yeah, yeah Giles. I get it. Stinky sewers it is."


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.**_

 **Chapter 3 13/11/1999**

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _You're a book, Giles_

 _Buffy it appears you have made a deal with an agent of CHAOS_

 _Yeah, yeah Giles. I get it. Stinky sewers it is_

"Euh! Slogging I do not." Buffy sidestepped something pretty suspicious looking and incidentally bumped Giles with her hip. Oomph. "Sorry."

"It's quite alright." Came the muffled response. "I do believe we're here."

Buffy breathed and could certainly smell the difference between the campus and the rest of the town. They were right at the quad outside of Stevenson Hall. She opened the hatch and scurried to the door thanking the Powers for once that she was in Sunnydale and not someplace where people noticed these sort of things. She ran to her room and walked in. Then stopped.

"Uh, Giles."

"Yes, Buffy?"

"I don't think dorms are covered by the invite only rule."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because," Buffy opened the bag and pulled her Watcher out, "Willow's not in, but we are."

"Well isn't that interesting?"

"Yeah I think so…"

"No not the invite." Giles scrunched up his features as though studying something. "I do believe something is happening to my pages, I feel...strange inside."

Buffy placed her Watcher on Willow's bed and opened him up. There was a table of contents eight pages long. She flipped to the back and found an Index. Running her finger down to C Buffy found what she was looking for."CHAOS. Page 153. Alright." She flipped to the appropriate page."It says here that the 'out' for all CHAOS contractor agreements require the client to attain something impossible. Hey! Someone loving me's impossible?!"

"Hrrem hem rllrerem."

"Wha?" Buffy closed Giles and looked at him, confused.

"I said 'The contract also states you must learn to love another.'"

"I love people! I love mom, and Willow, and Xander, well I guess I kinda like Oz, and Anya is okay."

"Buffy."

"Oh, and you too Giles in an old high school librarian kinda way. The high school is old not you. Although…"

"Buffy," Giles looked at her with sympathy, "I do not believe they mean love in that way."

"Oh," Buffy swallowed past a lump that she could've sworn wasn't there a minute ago. "So, I…"

Not for the first time Giles wanted to get in his car drive to L.A. and punch Angel very hard in the nose. The only thing stopping him being his current lack of limbs. "I believe the term 'another' implies it cannot be him."

"Yeah," Buffy nodded quickly in agreement, "Yeah you're probably right. You know, I just have to find someone that I can give myself completely to and hope that he doesn't turn all evil and try killing everyone I know like Angel or be a complete pig like Parker." She started hunching in on herself and looked up slightly ashamed when Willow knocked on the door jamb. "Hi."

"Hi," Her friend looked at Buffy and looked back down. "Did you see Oz last night?"

"Uh, yeah," Buffy swiped at her nose impressed that not only could vampires tear up but also snot up. "I was gonna tell you that he got out last night and I put him back in but you were already gone."

"Oh," Willow nodded, "that makes sense because he's kind of...stuck. Like really stuck. Slayer strength stuck."

Buffy stood up realizing that she had left Oz pretty much trapped but that she couldn't get anywhere until sunset. So she made with the 'splainy.

"So, these big bad lawyer meanies took your words out of context and made you a vampire and Giles a book."

"Yep." Buffy shrugged into her mug of hot cocoa. Willow just stared for a second as her friend didn't seem any different. Not like Jesse had.

"Why aren't you all 'Grr'?" Willow put clawed hands at her ears and made scratching motions.

"I kinda was at first. But not like a fledge seems. First I really wanted to kill Dru. Then I went running off to find the werewolves. And after that I went to the butcher's. Eating people just wasn't on the agenda." Buffy sipped her chocolate and licked her upper lip.

"I think I get it." Willow stood up and grabbed a yellow pad from her desk sitting back down cross-legged on the floor.

"Ooh yeah!" Buffy looked over sheepishly at the sleeping book and repeated in a stage whisper. "Ooh yeah. Willow to the rescue." She made a little fist of victory in the air.

Willow just smiled at the girl who held so much on her shoulders. "Alright. So Giles, who normally knows a lot, get's turned into a book and gains this total recall of encyclopedic knowledge. Yeah?" Buffy hummed in accord. "Alright. Well, that means that a part of him was amplified through the transformation. So maybe if you dig deep you could find the demon but whatever makes you the Slayer is being amplified so it supersedes your basic animal need to hunt humans and is making you protect them instead. Because you still need to drink blood so it's not like you're not a real vampire."

"Trust me my shoes know about my sun-sitivity. But yeah that, makes kind of a lot of sense. My Slayery-ness is overriding my vampirey-ness."

"Yep." Willow smiled as Buffy settled back against her bed. The redhead decided to try and get a better look at Giles.

"Hey!" Buffy's shout caused Willow to jump back from her near perusal.

"What?" Her heart was thundering.

"We need to go get Oz." Buffy stood and gently tucked Giles into his travel bag and headed for the door. She looked back at her friend who stood and smiled at her as they made their way to the cemetery so Buffy could be there long before morning to let Oz out. As Willow paid for the pints of pig's blood on their way over she couldn't stop thinking one thing.

 _Demon goes in. Soul goes out._

But if Buffy was soulless how could she be Buffy. Angel was Angelus without a soul. In fact the only other demons she had equal exposure to were Anya and Oz but they were both mostly human. Then she remembered the only other demon she had ever heard of drinking hot cocoa. But _he_ tried to put a bottle through her face.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 4

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _the 'out' for all CHAOS contractor agreements require the client to attain something impossible._

 _My Slayery-ness is overriding my vampirey-ness_

 _Demon goes in. Soul goes out._

Once back at the Watcher's flat Willow and Oz decided to go and get something to eat and Giles suggested they should regroup before discussing anything further.

"Oz seems pretty up on the trademark stoicism." Buffy mused as she put Giles on the coffee table. "You know concerning your current bookyness."

"Eh, yes, my 'bookyness' would be quite the…" He was cut off by the door opening.

"Hey G-man I haven't heard from the apocalypse front in a while and you...are a book. You're a book. And Buffy's here...and not a book." Xander's eyes were wide as he looked at his high school chum. "Do you see that he's a book?"

"Yeah Xander. He's a book." Buffy smiled at her friend.

"So you see that he's a book. Well that's good. No, not good. Why are you a book?" Xander picked Giles up and was looking him over as he spiraled. "How did you get turned into a book? Am I gonna turn into book? What evil thing is turning people into books?"

"Xander sit down and do shut up. You're giving me a cluster headache." Buffy plucked her Watcher out of her friend's hands and set him back down before sitting down next to a flummoxed and gaping Xander Harris.

"Xander?" His head swiveled to face her like a creepy dummy. "We need you to be calm. Can you be calm for right now?" He nodded like a bobblehead. "Good. There's a curse." She put up her hand to stem any questions. "I need to break it on my own and Giles isn't the only one...afflicted." Xander shifted to let her know he wanted to hear more but wouldn't interrupt. "Some dark forces have decided to temporarily make Giles a book and turn me."

When nothing seemed to be coming out to finish that sentence Xander nodded as though trying to coach her through a testimony. "Turn you into a…?"

Buffy stood and walked toward the heavily curtained window. When she turned she was in Game Face. Xander stood hastily from the couch and nearly tripped trying to get away. "You're a vampire. Buffy's a vampire. The Slayer's a vampire!"

"Xander stop." Buffy approached while simultaneously suppressing the demon so he would stop screaming.

"Stay away from me! I need a weapon. Some kind of weapon. Giles! You're a watcher where are your weapons?"

"Xander...you're hurting my feelings."

Xander's lip curled up. "Feelings? You don't have feelings. You're a vampire. You...you're probably the one who turned Giles into a book." He cast about and settled on a lamp as his weapon of choice. "You're going to turn me into a book. Or drain me. Or turn me into a book and then drain me or drain me and then turn me into a book. Some kind of Necronomicon."

"Xander, now you're making me angry." Buffy's lip trembled as she looked for cover.

"What are you gonna do Hulk out on me too?" He stepped back a little, lamp at the fore.

"No," Buffy located her throw on the back of the couch. "I'm going to leave." She ran past one of her best friends, who flinched away from her, and made a beeline for the front door.

"Buffy!" Giles called from his impotent position on the coffee table. "You can't go out! It's daylight!" Xander sank to the ground and leaned against the side of the couch. "This is all your fault you know! If Buffy dusts it will be on the shoulders of one of the people she trusts most in the world." Xander Harris could only rub his hand across his eyes and think about how Sunnydale had taken another one of his friends.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 5

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _The Slayer's a vampire!_

 _Xander...you're hurting my feelings_

 _If Buffy dusts it will be on the shoulders of one of the people she trusts most in the world_

Buffy had almost made it to the manhole cover when she had to dive out of the way of a careening hell car. She hadn't even known Anya had a driver's license. But given what Buffy had just witnessed maybe she was driving without one. And parking right over the manhole cover.

"Open the back doors!" Buffy said just loud enough to be heard through the glass.

"Buffy? Why?" Anya stared out at the Slayer and couldn't help the thought that this girl could be really weird.

Buffy bit back a growl as she could feel her fingertips starting to sizzle in increasing intensity. "Just do it Anya!"

"Fine." Anya pressed the switch that unlocked the car doors and Buffy shot in. Throwing herself to the seat and out of the line of sight from the windows.

"Drive!"

"But I'm here to pick up Xander so we can go shopping." Buffy rolled her eyes. At least it had nothing to do with orgasms.

" _We_ can go shopping!"

"Oh, bonding? All right." And with that Anya slammed on the gas causing Buffy to fall off the seat and onto the floor.

The drive to the mall was nerve wracking and had Buffy wondering how she got the rap for being the Scoobies worst driver. _Is Anya part of the Scoobies?_ She was funny in an irreverent sort of way. Buffy liked her enough. As much as she could like Cordelia's bluntness, Faith's ease with the topic of sex, and some strange demon talk rolled up into one person. And Anya seemed to have some form of like for Xander. _Yeah, Anya's part of the group. Huh. Whoda thunk?_

Anya opened the door and stared down at the throw wrapped Slayer. "Are you taking a nap? I thought you wanted to shop?"

Buffy got up and out and after throwing her cover into the car followed Anya through the parking garage entrance into the mall. They were flicking through a rack of clearanced tops at Macy's when the silence was finally broken.

"So when did you get turned?"

"What?" Buffy's voice came out high and squeaky and she had to take a few breaths before she could try and fail at sounding nonchalant. "Ha, I mean, what do you mean?"

"Well, Willow and I certainly didn't perform any other spells together and you smell slightly of burning flesh. A scent I'm proud to say I am quite familiar with in my over one thousand years as a Vengeance demon. The only explanation I can find that adds up your strange behavior and high flammability is that at some point, since we last saw you, you've become a vampire." Anya smiled and went back to perusing the rack.

Buffy did a fine impersonation of a fish before she closed her mouth and clung to the piece of information that could really help her out. "You were a vengeance demon?"

Anya exhaled a pout. "Yes. You know this. Unless you _are_ from another dimension. But either way you've ignored my question and I feel unheard and...hurt."

"Sorry," Buffy's face twisted a little in slight confusion at how she can find herself in these conversations. "It's just...yes. I am," she looked around making sure no one overheard and whispered, "a vampire. It's only temporary. But Anya. You were evil."

"And you want pointers?"

"No! Do you know a group called CHAOS?" Buffy clutched the glittery top in her hand in hope.

Anya shrugged. "I know of them. It's an offshoot of this evil law firm. They left to make their own mark across the dimensions. They don't deal in one side of the whole good versus evil thing. They're mavericks, they're rogues, they're…in business with you. Why?"

"You should know better than anyone."

The brunette smiled. "Ooh, they caught you in a verbal contract. They can be sneaky that way."

"Yeah." Buffy put the top back on the rack.

"Well, what's the out? There's always an out and it can be quite devious. It's airtight otherwise."

Buffy sighed as she started across the walkway toward the women's shoe section. "I was really hoping you wouldn't say that."

Anya followed Xander's friend with a slight bounce in her step. If she could get his friends to like her then he would be more likely to stay with her and continue giving her orgasms.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 6

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _Anya's part of the group_

 _So when did you get turned?_

 _There's always an out, it's airtight otherwise_

"Hmm, Slayer, I'm gonna kill you." Spike had her pinned beneath him as she tried futilely to escape. He leered down at the squirming girl. "Gonna eat you right up."

"Spike, it tickles, stop." She had such a pretty way of whining her words when she didn't quite mean what she was sayin'. "Please?" God he could nibble that bottom lip of hers from here until eternity.

With a smile that belied his gentler heart William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, began the descent toward that luscious little mouth. "Not so tough now are you?"

"Oh yeah?" The petite girl brought her knees up around her vampire's waist and with too little effort flipped so that he was the one pressed against the floor. Her legs straddling him had her heat searing him through two layers of denim. His unnecessary breath came out in a hiss.

"Oh Buffy, I…"

"Shhhh." She was nuzzling his neck and working a path toward his chest with that hot little mouth.

"God, You're gonna kill me Slayer."

The fuzzy contents of his dream were already fading into obscurity before he opened his eyes to take in his surroundings. There's whiteness and pain. It's dull and throbbing. Not the stabs and flares he had grown so familiar with over his days with the sadistic scientists. Some of the things they were doing were far and beyond what Adolf and his men would ever have dreamed. They didn't seem to think demons felt pain and once subjects were brought in and restrained they were not administered any form of pain relief. Just a bit of metal and plastic used to keep their cries muffled while they tried hard as all hell not to smell their own spleens and kidneys. Strange color his liver had. Least that was what the doc had mused while she was poking at it with a blunt metal stick. Then there was the champagne room of peep shows when she cracked open his skull. God wasn't that fun? No one he knew could tell you how it felt to have the air touch their brain from the vent in a lab made by the human servants of Satan. Because that was who he figured they must be. First thought they were with the Slayer, but no. No, no, no, no, no. The uppity goody two-shoes moral high road riding dust mongering bint would never have sunk this low. _Nah. This has to be Hell. Only it's not as fun as I heard it would be._ What would Spike give to be stabbed with a pitch fork or set upon by crows to eat his... _wait a minute that is wot's happenin'._ But there were ways outta Hell, he remembered 'em. He could race the sun, or beat Death at Twister. _Nah tha's stupid. Where would I get a Twister mat around here?_ There's a problem with all that besides the lack of coloured dots and spinning cardboard. All of the blokes who get out are heroes. Nobody roots for the bad guy.

Just as he started to give in they dropped another bag. _Oh no, 'm not fallin' for that one, however..._

The plan went off with very few hitches. Personal triumph. _If I should say so m'self. And since I give sod all wot others think..._ The master vampire had a bit more pep in his step than he had in a long while. The real issue was a lack of places to go. He really didn't want to see Harm. He didn't need the headache. Sweet girl if you liked 'em vapid and breathless. But it wore thin with the "Paris this" and "Paris that". He could find a new place but what he really needed was to feed. He was too weak to get a clean kill and he didn't need a torch-bearing mob or snooty-Slayer on his tail just yet. With no minions left after the Gem and a distinct dislike for baggin' it Spike straightened his shoulders and braced his dignity for the off chance Harm would have leftovers.

"Harm!" Spike entered the lair with arms wide open. The ditzy blonde was arranging porcelain unicorns and figuring out whether Mystic should go on the nightstand or right in the middle of the bed. At the sound of her absentee attempted staker of a...whatever he was to her now Harmony turned on her heel and cocked her head to the side.

"Blondie Bear?" Spike grinned. _Oh this was too easy. Knew she'd miss me._

"Tha's right, luv. Your man is back and has _missed_ you." He put his hands on her hips and went in for a kiss only to be stopped by a well-manicured hand splayed over his face. His nose poked through the space between her middle and forefinger.

"No. No kissing. You...You tried to kill me. Well, not kill, since I'm already dead, but you...you tried to kill me!" She huffed and stared at him as though he should regret that. He didn't.

"Luv, I know I've done things in the past that have hurt you. I understand you think you deserve better, but pet, past's in the past and I'm a changed vamp. You'll see." He had been backing her up toward the bed and now went in for the kill. So to speak. He pushed her gently down into the bedspread when she made a quick movement he hadn't anticipated. _Damn, hunger! Makin' me slow._ In a flash she had a stake at his chest. _Not the blonde I was expectin' to fight off._ He jumped back to the entrance of the lair.

"No, Spike, I won't see. I'm a strong independent vampire who doesn't need a boyfriend to feel good about herself. I can get along, but you can't be here. You hurt me and... and I don't stay with people who hurt me. Not anymore. I _do_ deserve better."

Spike stepped forward. "Baby, come on, it's me." He tilted his head and slightly pursed his lips in a way that had always mollified Harm. For a moment it looked like it was going to work.

"No, Spike." She took a fortifying breath and through gritted teeth and with a raised stake gave her final say. "Go."

Spike knew not to mess with a crazy bint like Harm at the moment and strategic retreat was not tuckin' tail and runnin'. Not at all.

What'd he do last time he was in Sunnyhell and had been thrown out on his arse by the woman in his life? Well, it was a worth a try.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.**

Chapter 7.

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _Why should I care about what happened with Spike? Pillock. Is it going to be integral to_

 _the rest of the story? Fine._

" _No, Spike...Go."_

 _What'd he do last time he was in Sunnyhell and had been thrown out on his arse by the woman in his life? Well, it was a worth a try_ _._

 _There! Now you are up to speed. Children._

Spike found himself on the front porch at 1630 Revello Drive with a fist raised to knock when he started to think better on it. He was far too hungry to fight the Slayer if she were home and while he might be able to get Joyce to give him something to eat it would by no means quench the demon's thirst burning in the back of his throat. He needed to feed. He needed to… His train of thought was derailed when a car drove up to the house and he had to make an off the cuff decision. The decision was, _Jump into the bloody bushes_. So he did. It wasn't the brightest of moves but then again, he wasn't exactly the Human Torch. Not unless he decided to go for a mid-afternoon stroll. The car stopped and one of the Slayer's lackeys hopped out. It was the boy. He was running up with a large book under his arm and fumbling with a set of keys. Once the key was in the door the book started to say somethin'. _Wait. The book started to say something?_ Sure as fire and brimstone and the twenty-four hour news cycle the bloody book was speakin'!

"If she isn't here, I've no clue where she'd go. Willow did say she hadn't seen her, correct?" The whelp walked in and the voices grew muffled but no less easy to hear.

"Yeah Giles," The boy took a breath. "How'm I gonna fix this?" He sat down on the couch and set the Librarian/Book on the coffee table.

"I have an idea." The voice came from the door.

"Spike." Xander sneered and stood up, readying himself to charge the bleached menace. Spike started moving the same second and only allowed the briefest of moments to register that the Slayer still hadn't removed his invite. As his body began to ram the boy a searing flash of white-hot pain ripped through him bringing the Master Vampire to his knees.

 _Just Before…_

"...My Ringtone is Hurdy Gurdy. I use it mostly to play Snake since mom doesn't like paying for texts. But, I was going to college and she didn't want me to hafta use a pay phone and what if there wasn't one around in an emergency? And well I-"

"Wills, as much as I am loving the rundown on how you have a number I can reach you at, and not gonna mention that Giles has it before I do, I need to know where I can find Buffy."

"Buffy's missing? But the sun only just set. Where did she go?"

Xander Harris shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. Then, with a downward rub of his mouth, said quite contritely, "I may have hurt her feelings and caused her to run out of Giles' apartment a few hours ago."

"During the daylight?! And what do you mean you _may_ have hurt her feelings? What have you done?"

"She was a _vampire_ Willow!"

"She _is_ our _friend_!" Xander had already been reamed by the Watcher and didn't think he could take another verbal thrashing.

"I know that...now. That's why I called you. Where would she be if she isn't with you, at the dorms, or with Giles?"

"Maybe she went to see her mom?" The phone was getting crackly and sounded close to dropping the call.

"Got it, don't know why I didn't think of that." He wisely ignored Giles idea of him being an idiot. The two friends hung up and Xander gathering the keys and Giles headed out the door and toward, hopefully, Buffy.

 _Also Slightly Before…_

"Anya. We have been shopping for too long. And I'm saying that." Buffy was bored. She had no way to pay for any of the fun she saw and she couldn't even splurge vicariously through the ex-vengeance demon. She had been window shopping for. Three. Hours. Honestly, Buffy wasn't sure she could listen to anymore about some fusty revolution. No matter how much credit it was worth in 'certain circles' and Crimea river but she just wanted to go home.

"Fine." Anya flounced her way toward the parking garage and Buffy felt that getting out of there was deceptively easy. "Where would you like me to take you?"

"Uh...I haven't checked on my mom in a while. She might be pretty worried." Buffy chewed her lower lip thinking about how she should try to spend more time with her mom. It was probably so lonely at home.

 _Back to the action…_

Joyce Summers pulled up to her little slice of suburbia alongside a van and a sedan. _That's odd. Buffy didn't say she was coming over but it looks like everyone in town is here._

Once she reached the front porch she was met with quite a sight. Xander was being restrained by Willow. That boy Oz was studying the prone form of that poor young man Spike. And Buffy was being consoled by that sweet girl Anya. _Wait...consoled? Why did her baby need to be consoled?_

"Buffy, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Her daughter looked up and jumped to hug her mother. She was a bit cold to the touch but Joyce chalked that up to the chill night air. Anya was the one to answer.

"She's sad that she can't go inside." The young woman stood and brushed her skirt down before walking into the house. Joyce looked nonplussed.

"Honey, don't be silly, come inside. We'll get you warmed up, make some hot cocoa, and figure out why there is a bleeding vampire in my foyer." Buffy nearly went into another round of tears but gave her mother a watery smile in return. Home was a wonderful place to be.

Everyone was sitting around the Summers' dining table with cocoa and cookies having been brought up to speed on Buffy and Giles' conditions. Well if you count the still incapacitated Master Vampire who was not only still unconscious but was now tied to a chair to boot. Willow and Oz had arrived just as Xander had been about to get murdered right proper, Spike's words, when the vamp in question had fallen to the ground with a yelp of excruciating pain and passed out bleeding from the nose. Xander had wanted to stake him while he was down for the count but both Willow and Giles had thought it best they keep him alive. For now.

Spike started to rouse and made a crinkly face as though he here were actively scenting something. When he opened his eyes blearily he looked around as though someone was missing. Everyone's eyes were on him and quite frankly it was not pleasin'.

"Alright, where's the magnificent poof?" He glared at the Slayer.

"What?" Buffy didn't know what to say nor what he was saying so 'what' was about as good as Spike was going to get.

"You know. Peaches. Angelus? I can smell family and since Darla and Ol' Batface are dust and Dru's got no business here, figure it'd havta be the Great Ponce Himself, the Broodmeister. Come on out Angel Soft! I know you're here!" But his Grandsire didn't appear from the shadows. The Slayer looked him dead in the eye to get his focus.

"Drusilla was here." Buffy rested her hands on her lap. Spike pursed his lips and swallowed to fight the immediate response.

"Using the past-tense there Slayer. Something I missed?" He narrowed his eyes and watched her for duplicity.

"Just a little. Your ho-bag ex-girlfriend came and went but left a surprise in her wake."

"Yeah? She always did know how to make her mark." Spike smiled tightly. The rest of the room watched the exchange avidly.

"Oh she left a mark alright." With this the Slayer lifted her hair and showed the siring mark on her neck as she brought her demon to the fore.

"Jesus Christ!" Spike pulled back as far as he could and cocked his head at the Slayer. "Only Dru'd be loony 'nough to turn a Slayer." This was followed shortly by an introspective, "Shit, now she's got me tied."

 ** _A/N Tune in next week for the exciting continuation..._**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.**

Chapter 8

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

" _She_ is _our_ friend _!"_

" _She's sad that she can't go inside."_

" _Only Dru'd be loony 'nough to turn a Slayer."_

"Drusilla did not kill me! This is only temporary!" Buffy sat back and glared at her sworn enemy.

"Yeah, a temporary state 'til a sliver of rowan's lodged in your chest." Spike was studying her a bit too closely for anyone's liking.

"Nuh-uh, Buffy is under contract." Willow immediately regretted interjecting when she became the object of the captive vamp's scrutiny.

"Contract? Whadjou mean contract?" He swiveled from the witch, to the whelp, then settled back on the Slayer.

"Gee Will, way to tip our hand, much?" Xander raised his eyebrows in a condemning fashion.

"Buffy already spilled it with the 'temporary'." Willow pouted at Xander as she burrowed into her boyfriend's shoulder. Who, for his part, was taking in everything with a level of analytic mien that was commendable.

"Everyone is talking, but, no one is saying anything. Why doesn't anyone just ask Spike things that would help solve this? No wonder things are always complicated." Everyone just stared at Anya including the plate-stand-supported Giles while Joyce smiled into her cocoa. "Well," Anya looked around, "It's true."

"Anya is quite right," the girl straightened in her seat and beamed at the biblified Watcher, "Spike is still here because, being connected to Dru and the demon underworld for more than a century, he may know a loophole to this whole kerfuffle with CHAOS." Spike perked up at that.

"Bloody hell, Slayer! You're involved with CHAOS? Don't you ever have a slow week?" Oz gave what passed for a smile at that.

"Only summers in Sunnydale could ever be considered slow, Spike." The Slayer settled into her chair and cast a surmising glance over the hostage who was starting to smirk again. She figured out how he was taking that statement and quickly finished the line of questioning. "It sounds like you know the group that's responsible, spill."

Spike clenched his entire body then let himself fall limp against his chair; an air of defeat suffusing his words. "All I know is that they make deals that are nigh impossible to get out of and that they have their dirty little fingers in nearly everyone's pies."

Buffy sighed. "Great! That leaves us in pretty much the same place as Anya's information."

"Sorry I couldn't be of more help ducks." The smile he was sporting was not a nice one.

Buffy glowered at their captive. "Shut up, Spike!" She stood and addressed the rest of the group. "I think we should break off for the evening. Xander, Oz, Anya, and Willow you guys go on home. I'll stay here with mom, Giles, and Spike."

"You can't let Spike stay here!" Xander was mid-departure when that tidbit sounded the alarms.

"Xander," Buffy crossed her arms, "I'm the Slayer and I'm not _letting_ Spike do anything. He's going to be locked up in the basement." She smiled viciously at the vampire in question.

"Like hell I am!" Spike started rocking back and forth in his chair while the rest of the Scooby Gang exited the Summers residence for the night.

"Stop fussing Spike. You're going to hurt yourself." The Slayer came around the table and grabbed the back of his chair.

"What are you doin'?" Buffy had started gently pulling him to the basement door. Joyce stood and walked in front of the door to block her path.

"Buffy Anne Summers! You are not locking a guest of ours in the basement!" Her hands were on her hips in ultimate mother fashion.

"But, Mom?!" Buffy impotently gestured at the restrained vamp.

"We do not imprison people in this house, young lady." Joyce's face was stern and made Buffy feel like a four year old who had drawn on the wall. Again.

"Mom, he's not…"

"What was that?" Her mother's head tilted as she awaited the response.

"Yeah pet," Spike's grin was way too shit-eating for Buffy's liking, "I'm not what?"

Buffy took a deep breath and released it with finality. "Fine Mom, where should we let the vampire stay."

Joyce smiled at her daughter. "Well, since you are staying in your room, why don't we give him the guest room."

Spike smirked up at her as Buffy agreed to lead the vampire to the guest room upstairs. Buffy tightened the rope she was tying around his wrists so he could walk up the stairs on his own after cutting him free of the chair. "I get to stay in the guest room."

"Shut up, Spike!" Both Buffy and Giles said as the Slayer led her mortal enemy to a queen-sized bed while her Watcher stayed downstairs on what he called the tea-table.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 9

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

" _Drusilla did not kill me! This is only temporary!"_

" _Well, since you are staying in your room, why don't we give him the guest room."_

" _Shut up, Spike!"_

He was tied to the bed. Which wouldn't be such a snag if he were in a different situation, but, he wasn't. He was in the Slayer's guest room under White Hat enforced house arrest because he had tried, _Just a little_ , to bite the postman. But come on! A bloke should know better then to bring a package into the house. There could be death mongering fiends round any corner. Now he was hungry _and_ tied to the bed _and_ had a splintering headache.

"Spike?" There was a knock on the door. It was not a nice knock. "Spike! If you're awake we brought you blood!" Slayer was tauntin' him and it was a cruel and unusual punishment.

"'M not comin' down there." He drew his chapped lips into a tight line.

Buffy looked at her mother who just nodded toward the door. "Spike," the Slayer sounded softer, "I would really like it if you would join us for dinner."

"No." Gah! Did he have to infuriate her at every turn. Buffy tried to calm down.

"Please come down for dinner."

"I'm not drinkin' pig's blood. It's swill and reserved solely for nitwit vampires who couldn't pull off a clean kill if it dusted them."

"You will eat what I eat or you will starve." Buffy growled at the captive through the two inches of wood.

"Then I'll starve thank you very much." Was the simple reply.

Buffy let out a very human growl of anger. "Fine!" She stomped back down the stairs leaving Joyce holding Giles and a very disgruntled vampire tied. To. The. Bed.

"So Buffster? Any reason that the Bleached Wonder is still in the house?" Buffy didn't answer her, now forgiven water under the bridge shouldn't stay mad at him since that would make things awkward, Xander-shaped friend. He still kept talking. "I just think if he isn't capable of performing his nightly duties that we should put him out of his misery."

"No, I can't do that." Buffy took a discreet sip from her travel mug.

"Why," Xander's face was all scrunched, "Because he's neutered?"

"No, because he's family." Anya hadn't looked up from cutting her food and was thinking about the first time she had eaten lasagna. Her train of thought was thrown off course when her orgasm buddy exploded. And not in the fun way.

"Family?!" Xander looked at Buffy in shock. "What does she mean 'family'?"

"I mean Alexander Lavelle Harris," Xander stared at Anya for using his full name like she was his mom, "That she is now a direct descendant of the Aurelius Line."

"That's because Drusilla turned her, right?" Willow was leaned forward a little.

"Yes, according to the siring bonds between Drusilla and the two vampires they cannot allow physical harm to occur to one another. This is basic vampire genealogy. Why don't you know it?" Anya looked at Giles for clarification.

"I did not think it important at the time. It is however a temporary state of mind as the fledglings grow into more self-reliant creatures they will only sense the familial bond and not the protective one."

"All I know is that my demon is telling me not to let him get hurt." Buffy's shoulders lowered a little. Her mom caught on pretty quick.

"Is there something wrong Buffy?" Her daughter smiled softly at her. It wasn't like there was anything completely right.

"My demon doesn't like that he isn't eating." Anya's brow quirked unnoticed by the others.

"We'll get him to eat, honey."

Spike listened from his prison and wondered exactly what to do next. Drusilla was out there turning Slayers. Why? What purpose would it hold? Was it something she had to do? Then epiphany struck, the bitch. He banged his head angrily against the pillow. God he was an idiot. It was a price. She had manipulated probability. Classic. Small price for a small tweak to the universe. Slayer's collateral damage. Drusilla's deal paid off through being the means to an end. To what end for the Slayer? It didn't matter. All that mattered was one thought. _There's no cure for me._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.**

 **Chapter 10**

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire...Slayer_

" _You will eat what I eat or you will starve."_

" _No, because he's family."_

 _There's no cure for me._

Spike made it down the stairs, ignoring the pull to the kinship bond, and willing his stomach to stop grumbling. Once in the kitchen he was taken aback at Joyce still up and puttering around. It was well after midnight.

"Spike? Is there something wrong?" She looked genuinely concerned. He always knew she was a good one.

"Nothing much. Just hungry's all." He leaned against the island and smirked slightly at the book on the counter.

"Oh, so you're hungry? Fine mug of pig's blood then off to your room."

"Mr. Giles! I am shocked. William isn't our prisoner. He's our guest. I'm not going to let him go hungry." Joyce walked to the freezer and pulled out multiple styrofoam containers of blood. "Anya told me that different animals have different tastes. I figured it was a 'you are what you eat' type of thing. Pigs eat slop but cows eat green grasses and all of that. So, I had the sweet girl pick a few things up. I don't want to know where she got cheetah and otter but I hope it is done responsibly."

Spike smiled at the kind lady who reminded him so much of his mum. "No worries Joyce. The suppliers work at zoos and never take too much from the endangered types. We demons have nothing against the animal kingdom. Just need to eat." Joyce narrowed her eyes at him and he figured she was thinking of the lack of this 'catch and release' method when it came to humans. _Best not to mention the kittens_.

Giles watched Spike pick up the otter and reheat it too high. Then he took Buffy's half drank mug from the fridge and splashed enough otter to mask the taste and bring the temperature up. As the 'guest' sat at the table drinking the blood and discussing the dealings at Joyce's gallery Giles couldn't help but feel he was missing something very crucial indeed. He did hate to be left out of the loop and it seemed to be happening more often with Buffy away at university and the rest of the children moving on. He simply did not feel needed. He was a Watcher with nothing to watch until all of this happened. Why couldn't he simply find the answer? He was transformed into a book housing all knowledge in the known universe within his binding. How could he...oh. Oh dear lord. It did make perfect sense. He vanished into his pages and found the answer straight away. It was a prophecy. Of course it was a prophecy. How could he have been so blind. "Excuse me?"

The other two looked at him and Spike saw the mixed emotions cast over his fellow Brit's...cover. "What's the matter Watcher?"

"She's the Slayer."

Buffy couldn't sleep. She wanted to go to class but how could she get there? What with the classes being in broad daylight and all. It was the middle of the night and yeah she didn't usually sleep a whole lot what with being the Slayer and all but sleeping during the day just wouldn't cut it if she was going to be normal. _Pfft. Yeah normal, Like that's on the agenda for Buffy the Vampire._ Gah! Why couldn't things just be...she wasn't even sure what she wanted things to be anymore. She gave up on giving up after the whole Angelus mope-a-rama. Yeah she'd saved those kids from a hell dimension but she had also really messed up when she'd ghosted. If anything, Angel up and leaving after graduation had shown her that people who want the best for you shouldn't decide what's best for you. And maybe she's also the Slayer but the Vamp's in here too. It's howling for blood and vying for mayhem but it's also fiercely protective over her family and friends. She decided to head downstairs for a snack. On the way there, she walked past Dawn's room. Opening the door just a crack she smiled at the soft pink glow that gently illuminated her sister's bed. Her smile grew as Dawn shifted and nearly fell out of bed. See, she was a vamp and therefore shouldn't feel love according to her ex. So why did the image of her childish sister mumbling in her sleep make Buffy feel that telltale glow?

 ** _A monastery in Prague_**

"It is done. The price you have asked of us is paid in blood and bound in flesh. There is no reason for you to remain." The monk was brave she would give him that. Bravery, however, could mask foolishness. The powerful sorceress held him there and probed his mind. There, a flaw. A chink in his armor. She prodded and the mail fell apart. Soon all would be set to rights. Soon they would be free. She dropped the man and made her way to the shadows where her fellow chaotician waited.

"Is all in order?" His voice was low in timbre and volume.

"Yes, there will be no need for further intervention at this point. All is going according to plan."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.**

Chapter 11

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _What's the matter Watcher?_

 _She's the Slayer_

 _All is going according to plan_

"I...I don't understand. You, you wanna take a break?" The brainy redhead was staring owlishly at her boyfriend. This was very out of the blue. Way out of the blue. It was so far out of the blue it was orange.

"Willow, I think it would be best if I found a way to control the wolf." The quiet young man nodded slightly toward the community room so that their conversation didn't draw too much attention. "I think it would be a good idea to get you some tutoring too. In magic. I could have hurt you this last month and I don't want to take that chance. This is to make it better for both of us."

"Then we should find a way to teach the wolf to like me more or to stay...no that makes you sound like a pet and you're not a pet. You're a boyfriend. You're my boyfriend and a break sounds like you would stop being my boyfriend and I don't want you to stop because I like you and you like me. You still like me, right?"

"Of course I still like you but the place I heardof that can help me is far away and I wouldn't know how long it would take to discipline myself. I don't want to put you through a long distance relationship. It's best to call it a break in case the heart doesn't grow fonder. I don't want you to feel that you have to stay with me out of a sense of duty."

"Duty? I'm duty free. I'm like vacation trinkets. No duty. Totally fond."

Oz couldn't help but smile. "We can think it over during Thanksgiving break. We'll pick it up after midterms."

Willow shifted her book bag and led them back across the quad. "Maybe we can ask Giles, you know, since he's all bookish."

"So there's some new prophecy for the Slayer?" Spike leaned a hip against the kitchen counter and surveyed the dwindling contents of his mug.

"Well, it is actually very old. It was penned sometime during the forgotten age. It has to do with an entity known as the Mirage who will bring about great destruction in the pursuit of it's own form of paradise."

"So we're looking for anyone then."The vamp muttered. Joyce silently gathered the mugs and add-ins from the table to make some more cocoa. If what she could hear on the stair was to be believed she'd need to bring down one more mug for her elder daughter.

Giles huffed, fluttering some pages in the process, "We could do without the cynicism."

"And whadyou mean about forgotten age? Do you mean the dark ages?"

"No, I mean the forgotten age. It would appear that for two months this creature ruled England. The whole of this has been wiped from history through a temporal reversal. I don't know how or why it is still available for me."

"I do." Giles was the only one to jump at the young woman's entrance and muttered something about bells and failing to help a fellow out.

Spike moved to the farthest point he could manage and Joyce handed her a mug of cocoa just the way she liked it.

"Thanks mom. Giles, it's really simple. You know about something that I can work with now." Buffy sat down in the chair Spike had vacated to make his blood and looked over at her Watcher as her mother smiled at the vampire near the dining room from her own place against the sink. Buffy looked between the perpetual pain in her side and her mom but shook her head. It didn't matter. There was world savage that needed strategizing. "So, Giles, how do I beat it?"


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 12

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _You, you wanna take a break?_

 _Whadyou mean forgotten age?_

 _So, Giles, how do I beat it?_

"Hey you, I'm afraid I've been thinking." Harmony looked at the drunk demon on the barstool next to her.

"Thash a danjouroush pasht time." The demon slurred before letting his head rest against his arms once more.

"Like, I know, but there's this vamp who I guess is his sire and her sanity's only," she shimmied her hand to indicate either instability or that super cute manicure she just had done. Probably both, "so so."

Harmony huffed a sigh that expanded her halter to nearly bust a seam. "See I promised myself I wouldn't go back to Blondie Bear but right now I'm like, oh what's the word for...never mind. I'm _making_ a plan. See first I'll...no...then I guess I'll...Oh! Now I've got it."

She stood up and grabbed her coat. As she swung the adorable red leather affair around her shoulders she looked back at all the nice demons that had listened to her think through her problems. She waved with cheerleader level pep. "Sorry, gotta go."

The half passed out demon looked up. "That Blondie Bear ish quite a guy." He shook his head and paid his tab.

The barkeep lifted his voice to get all of the patrons' attention. "She's gone!"

The whole bar seemed to whoop or sigh in relief as Harmony Kendall made her way to someplace where they were not.

"I just don't understand how what I said was wrong." Anya was putting away yogurt in Xander's new mini fridge. Who knew there were so many flavors of yogurt?

"Ahn, you told the old woman that she was better off now that her dog was dead because it wouldn't be there woofing down her pension."

"I was using humor and good sense to make her feel better like you told me how."

"Yeah, I get that." Xander passed his hand across the back of his neck and shifted from foot to foot. "It's just that death is different from a bad grade or a flat tire. There are different rules."

She huffed as she straightened and looked her, whatever he was to her, up and down. He was always correcting her and the rules always had these other extra rules and sometimes it just seemed that it would have been easier if she had never answered that Wish.

Xander could see she was thinking about something troubling but the longer she looked at him the more worried he grew that she was thinking about him. Then her chin started to quiver and her bottom lip began to tremble and her eyes were welling and craparolli he had made his, whatever she was to him, cry. People like his dad made the people with them cry. Not the Xan-man.

"Oh no. No no no no. Don't cry. It's okay. Don't cry. I-I'm sorry. That lady shouldn't have dumped all of that dog stuff on you and you were a demon for a thousand years. It's not like you had to console anyone on the loss of a pet. You're just out of practice and I'll help better next time. I'll be more patient and I'll explain more." As he ran out of breath he felt her thump his chest from where she was crushed slightly against it. He looked down at her face. "What?"

"I was upset because I remembered I had given you the coupons and that lady distracted me with all of that death and grief and now the store has all of my nickels. I bought five of each because I had those coupons and now I have yogurt and coupons." She smiled wetly up at her, whatever, and wiped the not quite shed tears from her eyes.

Xander took a deep breath and squeezed her shoulders. "Dang it Ahn, you made me think I'd made my girlfriend cry."

"Girlfriend?"

"I uh I," he turned to the side and faked a cough, "there's a chance I'm coming down with something. You know fever may be messing with my…"

"It's fine Xander. Trust me. I know men." With that she patted her boyfriend on the arm, grabbed the coupons from his front left pocket, and walked away with a smile as she thought that maybe Buffy or Mrs. Summers wanted the yogurt discount. She knew Dawn didn't really enjoy that brand.

Xander sat on his couch and muttered as his...walked up the stairs. "I'm not men. I'm Xander. I'll show her. I'll, I'll, well I don't know what I'll do but I'll be the best man she's ever seen. In a good way." And with that Alexander Lavelle Harris, with a light heart and a new goal, sat down to watch the Hanna-Barbera hour on channel 12.

"So we just, find the mirage and boom, insta-sister?" Dawn looked between her mom and the book while her sister made her own cereal.

"Hey! I'm still your sister. I'm just less susceptible to carbon monoxide." She grinned at her sister as she poured the milk over her breakfast. She had a whole pile of pills too. Willow had dropped by with some supplements. It turns out calcium, magnesium, potassium, iron, zinc, copper, molybdenum, cobalt, chromium, manganese, and selenium at the correct concentration along with the right level of sodium can offer the same nutritional value as fresh human blood. Which was awesome because it meant sometimes she could eat without feeling left out. Spike, however, said it was unnatural to take pills to replace blood. Saying that her demon wouldn't find it funny. He ate the food her mom made and she was glad to see him drinking his blood but what irked her was how Giles had agreed. He had said that bloodlust was not only for the elements found in the blood but for the act of taking in another's life. There was something to do with the demonic aspect that couldn't be fed through supplements. But, still, pretty neat.

"For now we are in research mode and I am keeping a finger on the pulse of the Hellmouth. Activity's been down recently but it usually isn't this quiet unless something big is coming. Apocalypse big." Buffy took a big bite of her corn flakes.

"Isn't spring apocalypse season?" Dawn stood and placed her bowl in the sink but then rinsed it out at her mother's well pointed glance.

"Yep," Buffy shrugged and thought over which irons they had on the back burner or pans in the fire or whatever. Oz was being quiet, usual. Giles was reading up, also usual. Xander and Anya were MIA, growing to be the usual. Willow was looking into a Wicca club on campus to see if there were any other witches that could be all with the help. Willow had found a spell in Giles that could act as a temporary sunblock of SPF quintillion but it required two witches and Amy was indisposed and Giles was less a witch and more a casual magic user. Plus it seemed the only clue they had on how to destroy Mirage was that there needed to be witches. A whole coven apparently. So, all bets were on Wicca club.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 13

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _I'm making a plan_

 _I'll be the best man she's ever seen_

 _All bets were on Wicca club._

"Sorry Buffy, just a bunch of wanna Blessed Bes." The young co-ed was sitting across from the slayer at the dining room table which had become Scoobie central since The Curse.

"It's alright Will. We'll find magic to beat this guy somewhere. I was just a little too excited to get back to classes. You've been signing me in right?" Buffy smiled and did her best to convey with her eyes that she was super grateful to her rules-oriented friend for fudging the roster.

"Yes I have. Oh!" Willows eyes were huge.

"What?" Huge Willow eyes were rarely of the good.

"The classes. All of yours and most of mine. Nearly all of them really it was really weird. I don't know why it happened…" Buffy reached out and put a hand on her witchy friend's shoulder.

"Will, chill," she removed the hand with a gentle pat. "What happened with the classes?"

"Oh, they've been cancelled."

"What?"

"Yeah, almost all of them like I said. The professors and teacher's aides were just gone today there's a list posted on every classroom door explaining that they were changed to pass-fail and the grades would be calculated on available grades so far. Uh, and that they are sorry for the inconvenience."

"This seems fishy."

"Swimteam fishy?"

"Maybe. I'll go out tonight and see what's the what. Check the campus. There might be something there that wasn't there before."

It's new and a bit alarmin' and I can't rightly remember when I felt like this before. I mean true 'm no prince charmin' or nuthin, but,... Spike's train of thought was derailed by Buf-The Slayer's comment. _He had to stop that slip up._ "Wut's there, Slayer?"

She turned to face him as he came in from the kitchen. He was holding two mugs. Her travel and his ceramic. She smiled a bit bemusedly. "The campus. Weird things are happening and I'm the girl to find out what."

She stopped and was visibly pondering. He placed her mug in front of her and a lock of her hair fell across her face as she looked down into it. _How had he known I was getting hungry? He was right about the pills. Damn him. He hasn't rubbed my nose in it though. He sits in on every meeting and tries to help. He hasn't tried to bite anyone for days. Thanksgiving is coming up. That's when your supposed to show thanks to the people who help out. Right? Right._ She could make out the sounds of Dawn coming in from school, having been dropped off by Oz, and Willow running out with an over the shoulder see you soon. Then it was right back to drinking her lunch and thinking. _But he was mean and he was course and, and, playing chess with Giles last night and discussing music with Oz and movies with Xander. He's been helping Dawn with her homework and Mom with the housework._ And she wasn't dumb. She had experience with Angel where it came to being followed on patrol. Spike stayed real far back but she could still sense because…

"Don't think so hard, luv. You'll hurt yourself." He was smiling into his mug and looking at her through his lashes.

"Shut up. We're family right?"

"What?" The vamp was poleaxed.

"I've been looking into it with Giles's help and Anya mentioned a few things. I found some stuff about vampire lineages and all signs point to you and I being family. Right?" She placed her mug on the table at the same time he did.

"In a roundabout way I guess, yeah." _If she wants to tell me I'm like a brother or some rot I guess that'll nip the dreams as easy as anything else._

"Then that explains how I know what I do."

"What would that be?" _Please don't be telepathic. Please don't be telepathic._

"That you go out and hunt things after I come home. That you follow me on patrols and take out extra fighters while my back is exposed and then fade into the shadows so that no one suspects what I've become. That you're helping."

"Christ, Slayer I…"

"And that you didn't want me to find out. Which means you're not doing it for anything but to do it." She stood and grabbed her empty mug, heading to the kitchen to rinse it out. She stopped just before the entry. "I'm going to the campus to figure out why the faculty and students have ghosted. If you want to join me we'll leave tonight." He seemed frozen in place so she turned to leave when she heard his voice come out soft and slightly broken.

"Just tell me when." He looked up at her and returned the small smile that graced her lips as he threw his hat in with hers.

Dawn scampered up the stairs knowing that if they hadn't sensed her standing there then it probably meant that maybe there was something there that wasn't there before.

Spike quirked a brow at the high pitched giddy squeal from upstairs. "Bit, must have got a good grade."


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 14

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _The professors and teacher's aides were just gone today_

 _Wut's there, Slayer?_

 _That you're helping_

It didn't take long once they reached the campus for Spike to know exactly where to go. He'd been there before or at least that's what he had grumbled as they went toward a hidden tunnel entrance that led into a labyrinth of awful carnage. Nothing was left alive. Demons Buffy hadn't even seen before and they were mutilated or shot dead. Spike had punched a hole through a wall when they had found a computer in a room they had sniffed out. Project 314 of Sunnydale's own private Frankenstein.

"I was tortured for a fucking pet project?!" He was pacing back and forth then stopped. He looked at Buffy who was looking into the distance as though frozen in horror. "What is it Slayer?"

"They were harmless." It was a stolid whisper.

Spike stopped and walked toward his Slayer but didn't dare speak.

"They were harmless, weren't they?" Her eyes were pleading almost as though she needed a different answer than yes. He wasn't going to lie to her though and having walked past the corpses of these monsters' abandoned victims and knowing through Vamp enhanced Slayer sense that that they were no threat alive or dead had already told her the truth.

"Were they harmless? Yeah, but their families won't be. We havta get the bodies out and back for proper funerals and burials. At least the ones with honor codes and the like. We gotta do it soon." He looked down at her, this unbelievable woman, and just waited for the order.

"Right. We don't want a turf war over some misunderstanding and this place might be filled in with concrete by tomorrow." She stood and squared her shoulders.

"D'you think so?" Spike was a little stunned she was moving into action. Then again that's who she was, Action Girl. The Slayer.

"I have a pretty fair idea. This was a military outfit. Defunct and clearly a disgrace. If the big guys in Washington had approved we wouldn't be here. So come on. We have work to do."

They spent the rest of the night carrying bodies up through the tunnels and storing them in a cave far enough out that none of the clean up crew would follow. They took turns sleeping in the recesses of the dark cave and neither seemed to worry about the intentions of the other. Spike had removed all of the computer files he could and now had them on his person. Buffy was actually really impressed with that. She couldn't imagine a lot of pre-20th century vamps who were tech savvy. Even the other one she thought she knew but that led her back to the cycling word puzzle that was her mind. If she focused on each task at hand she couldn't think about the things she didn't want to think about. Spike and she delivered the last body to another crying group of demons and were well on their way home to report when Buffy couldn't help but explode in a massive bout of verbal diarrhea.

"If I can feel and they can feel how many others can feel? Am I killing creatures whose only difference between humans and them is a heartbeat and specific dietary restrictions. How many peaceful vampires have I killed when they were just protecting their own? How many harmless demons? Am I a monster?" She looked at him. She was breaking he could tell. He had seen that face when Dru would have her awful moments of clarity and cry at the injustices Angelus had done her. But this was the Slayer, the Chosen One. The girl who stood between the world and utter ruin. How could she ever think herself a monster?

"You're not a monster. You're a dog catcher. Animal control."

"Are you calling me a dog?" He smiled at her. One of his real smiles.

"No, I'm saying that there are some of us who can get adopted out and then there are the others, the ones _you_ take out, that are too feral to live in coexistence. The ones you get at are the ones too stupid to know when to stop. All the baddies you take down are baddies. Wolves huntin' for girls like Red and the Bit. For folk a mite too weak to fight 'em off like Demon Girl and the Whelp. You're keeping the streets safe from the monsters not bein' one."

"You made me feel better." It looked like she was more confused than grateful.

"You're welcome." His eyes were kinda twinkly when he looked at her like that.

"Thanks." And they finished the trek home so they could get the files to Willow, the report to Giles and their story to mom. Dawn was never going to let her hear the end of staying out two whole nights with Spike. Buffy smiled at her companion and knocked his shoulder with hers. It's not like anything happened. Spike reached over slightly and casually took her hand. But the Bit would certainly latch on and natter. They walked on, hand in hand, with twin goofy grins. Honestly the girl was obsessed with their nonexistent dating lives.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 15

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _They were harmless_

 _You're not a monster. You're a dog catcher. Animal control_

 _Honestly the girl was obsessed with their nonexistent dating lives._

"You delivered these bodies to their homes and none of the demons found it odd that the Slayer was a vampire?" Once more Giles looked like he really wanted to clean his glasses.

"None of them brought it up. I'm pretty sure they were a little busy being in mourning." Buffy shifted on the couch a little uneasy at the memory. Spike had eased her conscience a bit but it still really bothered her to think she might have caused pain like what she saw with those families.

"Yes, I suppose that would be, quite." Giles looked sort of pink.

"Don't worry about it Watcher," Spike said with a reassuring smile as he came into the living room. "'M sure they were thrown off by my scent and presence too much to notice anything amiss with the Slayer. Most demons just sense we're impure and leave it at that." He handed Buffy her mug and sat down. Her brow furrowed and she looked at Spike.

"What do you mean impure?" She looked from vampire to Watcher and back as Spike looked pointedly in the book's direction and the image of Giles shook his head. "Just tell me already!"

Giles expelled a heavy sigh. "The slayer essence is corrupted by your human form just as a vampire's demonic spirit is corrupted by the human host. Neither are pure breeds and thus considered impure by full blooded demons."

"But I'm the Slayer. I'm not a," she looked once more between her couch companions. "Wait, what!?"

Angel had a mission. Angelus was a soulless, torturing, murdering, rapist whose only mission was to destroy the innocent as artfully as possible. Angelus didn't have a destiny but Angel did and no matter how many thoughts told him to do what he wanted it was that surety, that Angel wasn't Angelus, that kept him fighting for those who couldn't. Helping the hopeless. After that vision he was off for Sunnydale. He was on his way to help Buffy. Right when he ran smack into a semi-familiar blonde.

"Harmony?" The tall brunette had an odd pinchy look like he thought if he stared at her long enough he might stop seeing her.

"Hey, you remember me! Well of course you do, but, Angel this has nothing to do with me-"

"You're a vampire." It was almost like he was that president in Disneyland and she could hear the gears and springs working.

"Well, duh! But like I said this has nothing to do with-" She found herself pinned at the throat to the nearest wall with a ridges out master vamp snarling at her.

"What are you doing here?!" Harm vamped out from instinct and clawed at his wrist. Her response came out a bit choked.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. It's about the Slayer." He dropped her like a hot potato.

"What happened? What about Buffy?" He was already shifting as if to walk away.

"It's Spike he-" But that went about as well as the rest of the conversation.

"What did that idiot do now? I have to save her."

"No! You have to save-" But Angel was gone and the vampiress finished her sentence with a pout. "Spike." She stomped her cute booted foot. "Why doesn't anybody ever listen to me?"


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 16

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _But I'm the Slayer. I'm not a-Wait, what!?_

 _Angel had a mission_

 _Why doesn't anybody ever listen to me?_

As was wont to happen the young Slayer looked to her Watcher.

"Buffy, I have had the time and resources to ponder the effects vampirism has had upon you. The slayer essence is really the essence of a demon. An ancient vampire's demon that was given to you and all of the girls that were chosen before."

"So," Spike grabbed hold of her grasping hand and nodded his encouragement as she worked through her thought. "If I was always part vampire when I was just the Slayer why could I have a reflection, and wear crosses and touch holy water? Walk in the sun? If I'm-"

"Buffy, the point was that you were no less human. You were a warrior of light. You still are. What the essence does is simply add not detract. I fear _my_ education was lacking in that I was told all vampires were inherently evil. It would seem a sense of humanity," He looked significantly from Spike's face to the clasped hands of the two. If vampire's could blush it was clear William the Bloody would have been as red as a beetroot. "Can linger. It would seem the vampire that was used to create the first Slayer offered herself up as a willing participant. In an oddly concise account for such a cryptic topic it stated that the younger vampires, made of human and demon bloods intermingled, were overhunting and the progenitor, as it were, of the Slayer essence had given her existence to live within the girl chosen. It is this vampiress' strength and instincts which each subsequent Slayer has called upon."

"Okay." Buffy sounded small as she processed but her Watcher wasn't done.

"With the ease, even accounting for Spike's aid, with which you have suppressed the vampire population. I am afraid there is only one aspect of my research that can shed even a modicum of light. As it stands you are the strongest of the...living Aurelian line and the only one who isn't hampered by a curse, a chip, or madness. Your slayer demon is amplified through the Aurelian magic. You are effectively the Master of Sunnydale."

That had been a big heaping helping of food for thought, but lucky for Buffy, Sunnydale never stayed quiet long enough to over analyze. Not even for its _Master_!

Just as she was settling into the calm before the Thanksgiving storm some creepy guys with some awful adult braces and pet mental patients showed up and stole everyone's voices. Only a princess's scream could stop them. Whatever that meant. She and Spike were going to do their slayage as best they could tonight.

Joyce and Dawn were setting up the house for the scoobie meeting to discuss a plan of action against the mysterious Mirage when there was an unnaturally loud knock on the door. Buffy walked over to the door and was sure she was wrong but was proven right as her big lurking left-for-her-own-good this-is-a-freak-show ex stood there on her back porch on Thanksgiving eve. He walked right in like he owned the place when she waved him in.

"Buffy. I went to Giles' but no one was there so I checked the campus and found your dorm but it doesn't seem you've been staying there. So I came here. What is it? Is it S-"

Spike walked in from the basement at that very moment. He looked over at Angel without really paying much attention and leaned inside the fridge. Buffy held up a finger to stall their guest and walked over to the bleached blonde with his head practically _in_ the crisper. She poked him playfully in the back and grimaced when she heard the clunk of his head against one of the shelves. She gently rubbed his head and pointed to the microwave where his blood waited in his usual mug. He smirked at her and swaggered to the appliance. He gave an odd look that Buffy interpreted as 'Is it still warm?' and she made the wobbly hand gesture that meant 'Maybe?'. He plugged in 15 seconds on low power and pulled the mug out finally deigning to acknowledge his Grandsire's presence with a self satisfied smirk.

"So you keep blood for him? Put up blackout curtains in your mother's kitchen and treat him like what? I know he doesn't have a thrall... What are you doing?"

Buffy had started writing down that Spike was going to help take down a big bad and that they had to start moving before anyone else got hurt. It was going to go on for a week if they didn't stop it now. So he could follow or get out of the way. Because, right now, she was the leader.

Angel followed Buffy and Spike trying to figure out what was going on with the Slayer. She was off. But how? They were following the demons into an old building when Spike stepped on a rotten plank and nearly fell in. When Buffy pulled him up they semi embraced for little more than a moment which was just enough time for Angel to go blue in the face and ask 'What the hell was going on?' in a very loud voice. After the sounds of popping and squelching were done and Angel was flinging goop off his eyes and mouth the only thing that could be heard was the, in Buffy's opinion, utterly adorable belly laugh that Spike couldn't seem to stop. Angel stomped down the stairs and all the way back to Revello Drive only to be greeted by a nearly giggling Dawn.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 17

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _You are effectively the Master of Sunnydale_

Once he removed most of the goo with one of Joyce's cleaning towels Angel just stared daggers at his Grandchilde while waiting to be filled in on why that all had happened.

"So Peaches now that _that_ adventure's over, mind telling us why you were here in the first place? Not that your voice didn't come in perfectly handy." Buffy just stopped herself in time not to start laughing again. Angel ignored the pest and focused on Buffy.

"I was told you were in danger so I got here as quickly as I could. I thought it would have something to do with Spike." Buffy let him finish his sentence then started gathering up the empty cups for refilling.

"I'm _dangerous_." Spikes eyebrows were all waggly and Dawn giggled. Buffy gently ran her hand along his shoulders and the back of his chair and finished with a light smack upside the head.

Giles actually _rolled_ his eyes. "Yes, quite."

Angel kept looking around the group feeling like a fish out of water and from the welcome he hadn't received he started to worry he might smell like one too. "No you _are_ in danger. A friend of mine had a vision."

"It would seem that danger has passed." Giles started. "Now we must discuss the looming threats and you may leave. Unless of course you think your princess' scream will save us from that as well?"

Xander snorted a laugh. "Deadboy's a princess?"

"Xander," Anya gently smacked her boyfriend's arm. "It's not very nice to kick someone when they're down. Even I know that."

Xander looked properly chastised and thought that she was right. A real man wouldn't mock someone who had just saved at least five lives. "Yeah, that's right. Thanks for helping out tonight."

Angel was flummoxed. "You're welcome."

Willow was surprised and while she had her own share of beef with the souled vampire she knew that tonight could have been a close call without his voice. "Oh!"

"What is it Wills?" Buffy was serving out the refills when the redhead had made her exclamation.

"I met another witch. Last night when the Gentlemen were at the campus. I'll talk with her and see if she'll help out."

"That's great Will," Xander looked around, "Hey where's Oz?"

"He's uh...he well um, he's going to…"

"Oz is probably going to be with his family for Thanksgiving right?" Buffy threw out with an encouraging nod.

"Well, uh, of course." And in that moment it was almost as though the dorm-mates could read each other's minds.

Buffy nodded and looked toward her room upstairs. 'We'll talk about this later?'

Willow gave a small smile and nodded slightly. 'Okay,' she glanced at the blonde vampire to Buffy's left, 'but _you_ have to talk about Spike.'

Buffy's eyes got kinda big. 'Shut up.'

For the first time that evening Willow really smiled.

Angel, however, was still plenty lost.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 18

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _I'm dangerous_

 _I met another witch_

 _Hey where's Oz?_

Slowly Xander, Anya and Willow all left for the night promising to bring various side dishes the next afternoon. Joyce convinced Dawn to go up to bed with a promise that she could watch the parade instead of helping in the morning. That left Giles dozing on the couch and the three vampires standing on the lawn. The explanations had been carried out and Angel had been forced to see that the Sunnydale group had everything well covered.

"I'm sorry that I can't," He looked down at the door of his rental car. "I."

"I know. What you're trying to say. Angel, I don't think we were ever actually friends." Buffy pressed her lips in one of those conciliatory smiles.

Angel looked from her to Spike. "Yeah, we went from strangers to dating."

Buffy gave a light laugh. "What can I say? I was young. But in those moments when it felt I was cursed to be the Slayer you made the weirdness a strange kind of bearable."

"Thank you." The answer was drawn out through the elder vamp's confusion.

"Sorry, I was never much with words unless the world is ending. A...crisis speaker or...just thanks. For having been there as you." She walked up to the porch to give the other two some space. She wouldn't even focus on hearing what they said. See? Mature.

"Listen, Spike-" Angel opened the car door.

"I know. I'll watch out for her. Not that she needs it. But if she wants it? I'm her vamp."

"If you hurt-"

"Let me stop you there Angel Eyes. 'M not gonna hurt the girl. Misery was always your forte, Maestro." His playful smile did a little in assuring his Grandsire who shook his head and moved to get in.

"Don't make me regret leaving you here."

"Pack of wild dogs couldn't drag me away." Spike patted the door and Angel started the car.

"Hey wait," They both turned to watch the Slayer run up to them. "If anything weird happens in L.A., like apocalypse weird?"

"I'll call and let you know." He shifted into gear. "And if anything happens we can help."

"Yeah? All three of you?" Buffy stepped back from the curb.

"Hey Cordelia has a ghost. That's four." The three were smiling as Angel rolled up his window and started the drive back to L.A.

"To the Angel-mobile away!" Spike said sotto voce. Buffy cast an amused-confused glance. Spike shook his head as if to say it didn't really matter. "Come on. We better head in and get some rest if we don't want to miss the Underdog balloon."

"What?" She seemed far too disbelieving that he would care.

"Yeah. I was there when they introduced him. 1965 parade." He seemed very proud of that fact as he opened the door for her.

"It was daylight." She entered and toed off her shoes. It had been muddy from the sprinklers. Mom would not like muddy.

"It was New York." As though that explained everything.

She laughed a little and went toward the stairs. "Good night, Spike."

"Good night, Buffy." She paused on the top step and realized that was the first time he had addressed her by her name. Not Slayer. Not luv. Not pet. Buffy. And so she fell asleep with a smile on her face on Thanksgiving Eve.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.**

Chapter 19

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _Angel, I don't think we were ever actually friends_

 _Pack of wild dogs couldn't drag me away_

 _Good night, Buffy_

"Oz and I kind of, well, broke up." Willow was washing potatoes and keeping her eyes glued to the spotless spuds.

"Oh my God! You what?" Buffy nearly dropped the pumpkin pie filling. This couldn't be happening. This was Oz and Willow. Willow and Oz. They were adorable. They were sweet. They had made it through...things. They were the stable couple in the group. The Stable Couple.

Buffy took a mental breath. This wasn't like her parents or any of the boys before or after the Age of Angel/us. This was not another failure for her and she so didn't need the timeshare in that headspace. This was Willow time not Buffy will totally die alone time. "I mean, are you okay?"

"Nice save Buffy. Yeah, it was mutual. He wanted to go see his Aunt Maureen and Uncle Ken. It turns out his cousin Jordy was the one who turned him and the terrible twos are pretty bad when the kid has lycanthropy. So Oz went to see what they have in the way of control techniques. You know since it seems to 'run in the family'."

"Woah Wills, I don't think you're supposed to waterboard the peels off." Xander looked between the other kitchen occupants. "And, I interrupted something, didn't I?"

"Xander, where was I supposed to place the Jetpuffed sweet potatoes?" Anya looked at the three of them. "Why won't you answer me?"

"Ahn." Xander placed a guiding hand on the small of her back.

"Oh, I understand. We have interrupted something. Here. I will place the odd dessert that is not a dessert but is a side dish on the table and go watch the dog show with Mrs. Summers." She glanced at Xander. "When you're done I'll be there."

As Anya flounced jauntily to the front room Xander couldn't help but smile. They had talked about her insecurities in the group and he had, kind of fumbled, but explained that Buffy and Willow were his friends and very special to him but that Anya herself was a different sort of special and just as important.

"So, should I ask what happened?"

"It's okay. Oz and I are pretty much broken up and we will probably see each other again, as friends, but he doesn't want to put me in danger until he can control himself when he isn't, um, himself."

"Like Jennifer Walters." Xander said with a sage nod.

"The news anchor?" Buffy tried to find the connection.

"No, She-Hulk. The Hulk's cousin who is super-smart and kinda sexy but in control of her evergreen persona."

Both girls went back to cooking with a joint sound of displeasure.

"What? It's not sexist. What's sexist is that you guys are the ones cooking Thanksgiving. I mean that's pretty-" He stopped at the hand on his shoulder.

"Quit while you're ahead mate. And anyway it doesn't look like you have time to volunteer or get enlisted. Demon Gal is going on about the unfairness that Hellhounds are still not in the hound category. Now, it's crackin' up the niblet but the new girl is lookin' a bit off."

"New girl?" Buffy held out a tasting spoon for the cranberries and Spike unconsciously took a bite and gave a nod and smile before addressing the little group again.

"Yeah," Buffy handed him a bowl and he started stirring while talking. "Glinda, sweet girl. Didn't catch her name but you can just smell the magic comin' off of her. Like I said sweet girl. Can't imagine her being the bad sort."

Willow and Xander went out to the front room to handle their respective guests and Spike finished up preparing the potatoes Willow had abandoned.

"So," Buffy initiated as she started back on getting the pumpkin filling in the pie shells and then into the oven. "Am I good or am I bad?"

Spike made a show of thinking it over as he dried his hands on a dishtowel. "Why I thought you'd know, luv. You're not a witch at all." Just as he was reaching up to remove a bit of, something, from her cheek an odd mumble came from the cookbook. And, why, it wasn't a cookbook at all. Buffy flipped her tome of Watcher closed so he could speak clearly.

"All of the knowledge in the known universe and she uses me to know how best to prepare stuffings and pie." Giles appeared highly offended.

"You know, luv, you could've just picked up the prepared stuff from the grocers."

"I guess so. I mean it would've cost a little more but it would've tasted good enough and I would've been able to spend time with everyone. Well, it's pretty locked in now."

Giles harrumphed quietly. "I made a lot of these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me."

"Sorry Giles." Buffy smiled at him while Spike stirred, seasoned, and basted. She had to figure out how he knew this stuff.

"Oh." Giles felt silly having been caught out moping. "Well, alright, just remember to set the timer."

"Will do Watcher-mine."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 20

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _Oz and I kind of, well, broke up_

 _Glinda, sweet girl_

 _You're not a witch at all_

"Dinner was quite a success, if I might say so myself." Buffy reclined in an armchair after her hard day of basting. Willow had left to walk the shy new addition, Tara, home to the dorms.

"Yeah, thanks to the intervention of Spike and Mom." Dawn muttered under her breath causing her older sister to glare at her.

"Hush, niblet. You'll ruin Thanksgiving." Spike was sprawled on the ground at Buffy's feet drinking a glass of sparkling cranberry in solidarity with the two younger Summers.

"Thanks for helping, Spike." Buffy said with a pointed look at Dawn.

"Never mention it Slayer. I mean it. I'll lose the last shred of my manly pride."

"I think a man who can cook is very attractive." Anya said as she half watched T.V. and half listened to the others.

"Hey, I can make Kraft dinner." Anya patted Xander's knee in reassurance.

"I know sweetie. It's only seldom slightly crunchy." She smiled at Dawn as Xander put on a half hearted sulk.

"Alright," Mrs. Summers pulled herself from the couch and looked at the creeping seconds of the clock. "I for one am ready for some rest."

"Ooh, Xander and I are going to the mall for Black Friday. The shops open at one a.m."

"That's great dear. Anything you are going for in particular?"

"Well there is the wonderful sale at Frederick's of-" Xander grabbed her hand while Dawn snickered.

"Okay everyone, happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for having us Mrs. Summers. We'll see you at some point over the weekend to discuss the Mirage thingy. Bye."

"You'd think he'd have the decency to at least go 'meep meep' as he left the Whelp shaped hole in your door." Spike stood and started straightening the living room up so Joyce could head up for some kip.

"Yeah, I didn't realize the human face could get that color." Dawn stood and yawned.

"It was an alarmin' shade of red wasn't it?" He headed for the basement as Dawn walked up the stairs. She stopped at the landing.

"Hey Spike?"

"Yeah, Nibblet?"

"If you went shopping, you know, for fun stuff?"

"Yeah?" The word held a hint of weary suspicion.

"What would you go out to buy? You know like shoes or stuff?"

"Oh, right. I'd try to buy one of the records I used to have."

"Records?" Dawn looked thoughtful for a moment. "Like vinyl?"

"Yeah. Dru had her dolls and I had my records. I kinda lost 'em last time we split. I think I'd like to start up again."

"Cool." The teen turned to hop up the last few steps.

"What would you get?"

"You know, makeup. Shoes. Discman. Obligatory teen girl reference. Night Spike." And she went into her room.

"Good night nibblet." Spike turned with a shake of his head.

"Testing the waters for Christmas huh?" Slayer was standing in the foyer.

"Yeah, and Chanukah. Gotta get something for Red." They both walked into the kitchen to put away the last load of dishes.

"Lucky duck with eight nights of prezzies." Buffy pouted slightly as she put away the plates.

"Hey, it's usually just the one gift each night. 'M sure you got more than eight on christmas morning." Spike wiped down the countertop and put the detergent away.

"Yeah, but I was spoiled and an only child at the time." She turned on the backlight and double checked the door was locked.

"Ah, how times have changed." He headed toward the basement door.

"I wouldn't have them any other way." Buffy smiled at him from the doorway as he went to his cot. He waved at her and she waved back. As she closed the door and turned she froze with wide eyes at what was standing there.

"Are you so very certain of that?"


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 21

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _Hush, niblet. You'll ruin Thanksgiving._

 _Records? Like vinyl?_

 _I wouldn't have them any other way._

"I asked 'Are you very certain of that?' and yet you seem lax in your reply." The creature shifted and the nose twitched.

"You're a bunny. With a horn. You're a bunnycorn. You're _it_?" She reached the counter and pulled a wicked butcher from the knifeblock. "You're The Mirage." Buffy looked to the basement door. If this was happening Spike should have heard.

"I always preferred His Majesty, but, it would seem you know me and _I_ , of course, know _you_. This isn't a fight and you're friend won't be coming. In fact no one will. Your world is frozen for the time being. You won't remember this when I leave. All you'll know is the very gist of this conversation. Be it good or bad."

"Sorry, bunny, but I don't take too kindly to people messing with my head." Buffy put the knife on the island keeping her hand on it. Just in case.

"It would seem you had no issue with your sister." The former king of England hopped onto a kitchen chair.

"What are you talking about?" Buffy stepped closer but didn't get far.

"Oh, it's inconsequential now. You know, you really should get your mother's head checked. And Spike's for that matter."

"What?" But the bunny was gone. "You can't just dump information on me and-" Spike was pulling open the door and standing right by her in the next second.

"What are you yelling at, love?" Spike caught his Slayer's elbow and led her to the chair their adversary had just vacated. Not that either of them knew or remembered.

"I," Buffy looked at the knife on the island then up into Spike's eyes. "I don't know." She brought a hand to her forehead and ran it through her hair. "Can vampires get CAT scans?"

Spike smiled at her. "I don't think you need a CAT scan, love."

Buffy offered a thin smile. "It's not for me."


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 22

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _You're The Mirage_

 _Can vampires get CAT scans?_

"What do you mean they can't see you until after Christmas?" Buffy looked at her mom and Spike. "How are we supposed to enjoy pre-Christmas?"

"These things are in high demand, love. And when it comes to pre-christmas? Well, why don't we just try to keep it out of our minds." Spike kept hold of her hand the whole time.

"That's right sweetheart. We'll go skating and tree shopping and you and Spike will patrol. We'll fill the time with things we enjoy and the time will just fly by without us even thinking on it."

"Okay." Buffy squeezed Spike's hand and stood up. "I'm going to whittle. I'll see you for dinner."

Time passed easily with Christmas fast approaching. All the girls, including Tara, shopped for presents the week before Christmas Eve but there was one gift Buffy just couldn't find.

"I, I want to do something for him, but what?" Buffy looked at the pile of things they had bought and all she could think was there wasn't anything for Spike.

"Well, there's the usual things." Anya piped up from behind her pile of receipts. "Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep."

"Very funny." Buffy sighed. "It has to be something special. Something that sparks his interest."

"Wait a minute!" Dawn was practically jumping in her seat.

"What?" Buffy's eyes narrowed.

"Trust me." Dawn smiled. "This is gonna be perfect."

"Spike, it's beautiful." Joyce held the artifact up to the light. "Thank you."

"It's nothing really. Just a bauble left over from the Treasure of Amara. Seeing as it's a vampire treasure I figured I had the right to shower the girls in my life with pretty things." Buffy looked down at the pair of running shoes filled with her favorite brands of lip gloss and concealer. When she looked back up Spike had a finger against the side of his nose. Apparently he was hiding something. And he wasn't telling. Buffy handed Spike the decoy. It had been dangling on a knick knack nook in the museum Dawn had dragged her to for some middle school trip. There were no cursed mummies or anything supernatural and she was glad. She had brought up this fact to her little sister who, with straightest face, said 'And what? Your Laura Ingalls?' Just as Buffy was getting a little annoyed she had seen it. A little key chain of the golden railroad spike. She had it wrapped at the gift shop and Spike opened it with the same quiet awe he had opened the Star Trek Combadge pin from Xander and Anya and the two flowers encased in resin; white heather from Willow and holly from Tara.

"They mean protection, success, and happiness at home." Willow explained.

"I know." Spike had said with a gentle smile at his presents. "I know the whole language."

"Language?" Buffy had felt out of the loop.

"Th-the language of f-flowers. It was v-very popular in V-Victorian England." Tara turned toward Spike. "That was when you were human?"

"Uh...yeah."

Dawn had felt the tension and given Spike the present she had gone in on with her mom. It was a mug that could be made at one of those ceramics stores. It had 'Property of Spike' on the outside and their names and the date on the bottom. Buffy ended up handing out the last gift with that keychain. Everyone talked for awhile and thanked each other one last time before dispersing to other holiday get togethers. Giles hadn't been left out. Just in a fairly sour mood as no one had discussed what they were getting him and he came away with eight rather nice bookmarks.

Buffy had gone down to the basement while Spike had helped upstairs and had finished up his gift. As he came down to the basement she spoke up. "Spike! Close your eyes."

"While walking down the stairs?" She could hear the smile in his voice and see that he was doing as she asked.

"Just, get down here. But don't peek."

"Ha, okay." Spike stopped at the last step and Buffy walked up to him.

"Open your eyes." And he did. He stood there somewhat disbelieving for a moment. There were T.V. trays holding three milk crates filled, rather comfortably with records. He reached out and tentatively sifted through. Seeing some old friends already. "This is amazing. How did you?"

"I just bought the combo. I've had the records for a while." She pointed to an end table that had a combination cassette, record, compact disc, and radio resting regally in the corner. "My uncle had left them to me back when we were in L.A."

Spike pulled one out. "Have you heard all of them?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, but, I did listen to the Divinyls one a lot."

Spike's left brow cocked. "Divinyls?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Shut up." She was smiling though. Because he was smiling.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 23

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _This is gonna be perfect_

" _Divinyls?" "Shut up."_

The office was filled with humans and demons alike. The only one in the area with an open appointment slot before the next year who could see both Joyce and Spike. Joyce had been taken back first and tests had been done. It turned out to be a magically induced anomaly created through shifts in the Chaos matrix resulting in a brain tumor. It was small and a simple reversal spell would excise the tumor. Joyce asked what that would mean.

"Well, it would seem there have been multiple shifts in the temporal alignment and possibly a multitude of events and people that you would not have met or experienced have been shoe horned into the fabric of the universe and your mind. What we would be doing is reversing the spell that hides these workings from laymen. This means you would understand what had happened and be able to synaptically collate the fabricated and original timelines. It might be slightly confusing at first but it will be infinitely preferable to allowing the magic to continue working. As it stands now the spell to cover it up is blocking the kill switch in your brain cells and causing the tumor to grow. A human medical procedure includes the risks of aneurysm or death but this way the cells die. The cancer stops. There is no invasive surgery. Quite frankly you're very lucky that you were brought in now. If you had waited to be seen by a strictly human practice this may have become very messy. I will of course let this be your decision. If you decide to carry through with it I can call in a few hands from the coven and have it reversed before end of day."

Joyce joined the group sans Spike and gave them the information. Everyone said they would stand by her decision, whatever she chose. She went back and signed the forms of consent and was told to wait in the lobby with her family. Spike was wheeled out in a chair and seemed on very good terms with the nurse.

"We had to give him quite a bit of anesthesia due to his vampiric systems. It should wear off by tomorrow morning. Until then just keep an eye on him."

"Thank you Nursh! Nursh? Sheeshide." Spike's glazed eyes found Buffy. "Shlayer, I've losht my eshesh." He informed her with a frown.

"It's alright Spike. They'll come back."

"Summers." A spiny lizard like demon with tufts of purple and yellow fur called from the door. "The coven can see you now."

Buffy and Dawn hugged their mother while Giles offered a small 'good luck'. Spike had fallen under the sedation. The clock ticked on. Dawn looked at her sister.

"Why didn't Spike just get numbed by spell?"

Buffy smiled, a bit tired. "You know how he feels about magic. I'll bet he didn't like the anesthetics much better. Considering."

"Oh, right." Dawn looked over at her surrogate brother snoring in his sleep. Why did a vampire even breathe in his sleep let alone snore? Her family was all oddballs.

Their mom walked out to them and said that her tests all came back fine after the procedure but that it had been a long day and they needed to go get some rest before any celebrations could be in order. They got Spike into the car and Joyce drove them home. All the while glancing at Dawn in the rear-view. No matter how she came by this family, she looked over her daughters, their vampire, and the book resting on the front passenger seat, she never could have asked for anything better.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 24

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _The coven can see you now._

The celebratory cocoa was drained. The movies had been watched. Yet, the group didn't want to disburse. Joyce could have died. Spike would never tell but he could have too. The surgeon had removed similar devices in World War II from the brain dead demons they had malfunctioned in. The vampires had dusted. He just kept looking at them. The Summers and their little family. He was part of it. He knew it. He wanted it. He could see himself spending the rest of his nights patrolling with and for his Slayer. Spending the rest of his days _living_ with them. With Buffy.

Willow and Tara were talking low in the corner. Spike had begun to think...Nah, let them figure it out on their own. That was one of the best parts of fallin' in love. The actual being in it. The lovin'. He looked at Buffy. He wanted to say something. He knew it wasn't right. It'd be best to just be friends. Not get her hopes up. It wasn't like she…

"We have a surprise." Willow was holding a small foiled paper gift bag. "It was supposed to be ready by Christmas, but, the ingredients ended up being stale and we had needed to use fresh not powdered, plus the moon was all out of phase," she paused when Tara put a hand on her arm. Willow smiled sheepishly. "Right. Anyway, here. It's enough for both of you."

Buffy looked at the contents. "Wait, is this?" Willow nodded. "Oh my god! Thank you!" Buffy wrapped both witches in a hug. Tara blushed at the attention and Willow smiled.

"Is it?" Spike leaned toward the bag.

"It can let us walk in the sunlight. It works right?" The last was directed to Willow.

"We're pretty sure but you should try it close to cover."

"Will do."

The party broke up after that. Spike sat out on the back porch once everyone else had gone to bed. At least he had thought everyone else had gone to bed.

"You wanna try it first thing?" Buffy sat herself down next to him.

"Hmm?" Spike had been caught out lost in his thoughts. It had been close with Joyce. Too close. He had been smoking when she came out but put the cigarette out. His Slayer didn't like smoke.

"The sunlight repellent." She thrust the bag at him.

"Well, Red and Glinda went through so much trouble. It'd be rude not to." They were both smiling. "Probably should get some rest though. I'll come up and wake you when it's close."

"Thanks." Buffy touched his shoulder as she went inside.

Five minutes before sunrise Spike and Buffy stood in the backyard. They took a serving each from one of the vials in the bag and waited. As the first rays of sunlight crept toward them Buffy felt more like a vampire than she had since her hunger hit that first night. She looked at Spike. He was tight, not tense but, keyed up. He didn't seem scared. She so wasn't worried.

The sun was inching toward her toes, running up her thighs, clasping her fingers, caressing her shoulders and dancing on her hair. She was glorious in the sunlight and the warmth suffusing him was not only from the early morning rays. He was going to tell her. He couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Buffy...ahhh!" He was on his knees and clutching his head. But the chip was gone. What happened? Then she felt it. Faint, but there.

"Drusilla." Spike looked at her. Buffy had said the name like it heralded the end of some halcyon era. As though these three syllables were the apocalypse they had been dreading. Knowing what he had to say he was loathe to disagree. He stood and took his slayer's hands.

"Buffy, I…" He didn't want to.

"Go to her." The words were quiet but firm.

"What?" Spike looked into her eyes.

"Leave. You can protect yourself from anyone now. You're free. Go. Help her." She pulled a hand from his and bent to pick up the sun potion. "Take these. To remember me by."

"As though I could forget you. You're the first person I've walked, and danced, in the sunlight with in over a century."

"Danced?" Buffy cocked her head in thought. She couldn't remember them dancing.

"'S all we've ever done." Spike smiled, bittersweet, as he lifted her hand to his lips. He turned away then and started making his way to the demon garage downtown where he had kept his DeSoto.

"Promise me something." He stopped at her words and turned to face her again. Just glad to not have let go of the tears he felt itching at his eyes. She looked so earnest.

"Anything." He was ready to swear off killing, theft, running red lights. Anything.

"Tell me if you freckle." Her smile was watery but sincere.

"Course." He smiled broadly but had to inhale fully to fight the urge to crumple at her feet. He walked away with his key dangling from his finger. A golden spike glinting.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 25

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _We have a surprise_

 _Go to her_

 _Tell me if you freckle_

"Damn it Harmony! I told you. No vampires." Cordelia watched as Dennis brought a mug of blood to the hostage.

"I'm a vampire and you work for a vampire and, and this is the only way to get back Blondie Bear."

"I don't care!" Cordelia was already on the phone to reach Angel.

"I won't hurt you. The pixies told me how to start and my Spike will want to see how it ends."

"Hey! He's my Blondie Bear not yours."

"He doesn't want to play with us anymore. Don't you see?" Drusilla pulled at her restraints. Cordy suspected she didn't really try. "The party's started and there's only settings for two."

"Ugh, she's giving me a headache. You take care of her. I need a nap." The blonde stomped into Cordelia's bedroom.

"Harm! She's your hostage." The human followed her ex-cronie/friend. "And don't you dare be feeding in my bed again."

Drusilla looked at a point in the center of the room. "Are they always this loud?" She nodded as though the answer was yes. "I thought so."

 _Back in Sunnydale…_

Buffy was sitting at the island when Joyce walked in carrying Giles. "Buffy?"

"Hmm?" She was staring at her hands wrapped around her travel mug.

"Giles has something to talk to you about." She set the Watcher down and stepped into the dining room.

"What is it?" The Slayer set aside her cup.

"A part of the contract was just sent to me. It seems that the terms must be satisfied by the year's closing."

"But New Year's is tomorrow."

"I didn't want to push this on you but, and a part of me balks at the thought still, not that he hasn't…"

"I let him go."

"You did what?"

"I let him go. I'm sorry Giles. I know this is worse for you than it is for me." Buffy looked at the mug. "I guess I really can't save everyone."

"No. Don't worry on it. I...I can make do. We should just carry on as we were. The coven from the clinic left a message early this morning and can bind Mirage by this afternoon. Everything will be fine."

"You're right, we should just keep going. Business as usual." Buffy looked at the basement door. Spike must have stopped by after picking up his car. Some of his records were gone.

"Buffy!" It was mom. Buffy ran upstairs and stood dumbfounded at her sister's room. Specifically at the empty bed and open window.

 _L.A., Outside Cordelia Chase's Apartment, At the boot of Spike's DeSoto…_

"Dawn, what are you doing?" Spike helped the girl out and started walking up to the apartment.

"Why did you go away?" She followed him all the way to the door he could sense Drusilla behind. "Don't you like us anymore?" Her eyes were all big and dew like.

"Ah, nibblet, You know I do, It's just…"

"May I help you?" Cordelia looked out across the threshold at the newest vampire who wanted in her apartment. "Oh, it's you. Please excuse me if I'm being rude but go away. The last time I saw you I left with rebar in my gut."

"Actually, I was told that story and it doesn't seem I'm at fault. I mean I just provided opportunity. They already had means and…"

"Dawn?" Cordelia looked at the young teen with surprise.

"No, motive."

"You kidnapped the Slayer's little sister?!" Cordelia grabbed Dawn and pulled her in before Spike could process. "What is with you and kidnapping, you idiot?"

"Idiot? You're calling me an idiot? She's a stow away. I didn't kidnap her. I'm a Master Vampire. You can't call me an idiot."

"Blondie Bear!"

"God, 's like Beetlejuice." Spike smiled tightly. "Harm."

"I knew you'd come if I got her." The ditzy blonde looked at her high school friend. "Invite him in."

"No, you all get out and take your Jerry Springer: Undead Edition away from my home."

"It'll probably go easier if you invite him in." Cordelia looked at the little brunette she'd just dragged in.

"Has he thralled you?"

"No, he's changed. He won't hurt you. He's more cuddle than kill nowadays."

"Nibblet!" Spike was conveying 'Shut. Up.' with his eyes.

"I'm helping your cause. Not hurting it." Dawn crossed her arms and tried her best to glower.

"I won't hurt anyone." The ethereal voice came from behind the throng of female hormones. "Miss Edith is growing cross and she's ever so little fun when she's cross."

"'S alright Dru. I'll get you out." Cordelia shook her head with a 'sorry buddy, not happening' expression.

"I don't think it counts but you can try." Drusilla was talking to someone or something and Spike went to lean against the barrier and fell through.

"Grr, you...phantom menace." Cordelia stomped to her room.

"Alright, not even gonna question that." Spike picked himself up and walked to Dru. She was standing up and dropping the ropes to the floor. "Dru? Are you alright?"

"You have to go back to go forward and the sunlight calls me to the land of dust and the darkened heart." Dru kissed his cheek and made for the door.

"What's waiting for you in Africa?" Spike was wise enough not to stop her.

"My Spark." As she left, Spike could feel he really wasn't going to see his Sire again. At least, not as she had been.

"Come on nibblet, let's get you home."


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: I own nothing of the Whedonverse nor any fairytales and I am not profiting from this work.

Chapter 26

 _Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer_

 _I let him go_

 _You kidnapped the Slayer's little sister?!_

 _Come on nibblet, let's get you home_

"Ah ah ah, you must know you can't weasel out of your contract."

The front room worth of witches and scoobies stared at the horned bunny. Well most of them. Xander was really just trying to revive Anya after she had fainted.

"What?" Buffy had a horrible sinking feeling she had done this before.

"Well Slayer," Mirage actually tutted at the girl-cum-vampire, "it is always nice to see manners devolve. I am a who not a what. Though not a Who as I never did fancy doctors. You can call me Al. And in case it happened to be a what in regard to the statement I should only think it fair to point out that Your contract is null in exactly 13 minutes. Why ever did it take you all so long?"

The one to speak was a particularly beautiful witch of a certain age but it would be rather rude to mention it given she had placed a muddling spell in order to obscure it. "We had trouble with synchronized pronunciation."

"Ah, I see." The bunnicorn hopped closer to the Slayer. "You do realize that summoning me would be only half of the job?"

"Would the other half be killing you?" The smile was so fake it actually hurt to look at it.

"Now, after all we have done for you, have you yet to learn the most basic lesson?"

"Done for me?" Buffy was clearly not feeling heavy with the gratitude. "What would that be? The killing me? Ooh or maybe turning one of my friends into a book?"

"What of the lessons you did not realize you were learning?"

Buffy thought back. Anya. Demons loving. The whole 'Angel' thing. The Initiative. Everything she had been forced to face since the curse. She hated it when she had to admit to being bested in an argument by a quadrupedal…"Are you a lawyer?"

"Why yes," Al produced a business card from thin air. The card read: Al Mi'raj Head of CHAOS Western Milky Way Sector.

"CHAOS is run by bunnies?" Buffy stared at the card in her hand. Just then Anya came around.

"I knew they were evil." Xander helped his woozy girlfriend to the dining room for a place to sit.  
"Ambivalent at most." Al sat on his haunches. "I'm afraid that the rules are very clear. I can be 'bound', in the loosest of senses, by a coven. I was bound to come here. Eventually. Now, a 'true witch' can charm me. Make me utterly harmless. You don't have one here."

As though the universe couldn't seem to let anyone be right for too awfully long the poor creature was inevitably proven wrong.

"Slayer! Sorry, I should have called but I thought finding a phone would waste time. Hope you and Joyce didn't twist yourselves too bad. I came back with her almost as soon as I found out she was...Christ, there's a helluva lot of birds in your living room." Dawn pushed past Spike to the adorable creature in the center.

"Ah! What a beautiful bunny." Dawn stroked the soft yellow fur.

"Aren't you charming? Oh bugger." Al sat calmly accepting his petting.

A trio of rabbits appeared in a puff of oddly glittering smoke and set up a triangle around Dawn and Al. "Right then." Said the bunny closest to Buffy. "If you will just sign this," He pointed at a red flagged line under a paragraph of legalese, "and your sister leaves a fifteen feet distance between herself and Mr. Mi'raj we will lift your curse and leave you be."

After Buffy read the document, had Giles and her mother read it, then passed it to Xander to have Anya read it in the relative safety of the dining room it was deemed kosher to sign and get the quartet of Leporidae out of her living room.

Buffy sat down on the couch while her mom swept up what they hoped was the last of the glitter. The coven had left and the Scoobies had wished the Summers' and Giles a quiet happy New Year. Spike was on the back porch having a smoke and had called 'Hope it has less bloody rabbits.' Giles had left stating he greatly looked forward to sleeping in a bed with lumbar support then had smiled at the need for lumbar support. Dawn had gone up to bed claiming she had to get up early to watch cartoons. Buffy now hugged her mom and waved at her from the base of the stairs before she made her way to the back yard.

"You came back." She fell into the comfortable routine of sitting on the porch step with little more than an inch between them.

"Course I came back." He stared at the unlit cigarette between his fingers.

"Maybe it's better this way. Without this deadline hanging over us. It's just...god it's weird."

"Listen, I don't expect anything." Spike rolled the cigarette back and forth to give himself something to do.

"Not that, stupid. The heartbeat. I guess I grew used to not having it. And on that note any feelings you would have had for me happened when I was a vampire. And I'm not one now." Buffy stared out at the backyard and realized it was darker than she had grown used to seeing it.

"Now _that_ is stupid," Spike pocketed his fag and turned to his Slayer. "I love _you_ Summers. Undead or not, _you_ are the only girl for me."

"Really?" Buffy looked at him. This _person_. This perfectly imperfect person who had helped her without condescension and treated her like an equal partner. Her friend.

"To quote you, love," Spike leaned in and Buffy met him halfway so that they sat a breath's space from a proper kiss. "Duh."

They smiled as their lips met and though there was no magic tied up in clauses or curses it did feel very magical indeed.

~The End~


End file.
